Caitlin's Words

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?

I dreamt the craziest shit too..

Me and my brother were like in the middle of the street singing some Drake Bell song and I was flying around him. Then this black guy watched us and when we were done I was like OMG ARE YOU THAT GUY FROM AMERICAN IDOL!?! And he was like I sure am, not a winner yet. I was like Wowww did you like us? And he was like Oh yeah.

And then I was a contestant on Rock of Love. And we were all on a big boat. Lauren was on it too. Then we had to swim off the boat into the tiny little life boat with Bret Micheals. But everyone was laughing at my jokes so I didn't have to? Then that kid Scott Ritter and Jason Lax...which I  haven't seen since like forever were like WE GOT EACH OTHER'S BACKS!! and they got pushed off. And then we were on one of those little boats with paddles, but we didn't need paddles. We had to try to get to raft so we could go to the next challenge. Jes was trying so hard, but it didn't work. Then I pressed this big kiss mark that was Bret's doorbell? And there was a big kiss on the door. And Bret was like what happened? And we were all Ohh we couldn't get on the raft so we all climbed up this big stairs into it. Me and Jes couldn't get in, then Jes had a mental breakdown and was all HE LIKES YOU MORE THAN ME! And I said No he doesn't!! Then when I finally talked her into going she was like I need my matching shoes! So I swam over to get her dumb red platform heel shoes. I shoved her in and pushed the kissy button cause the stairs turned into an elevator...  Then I couldn't get in so I climbed up it in high heels somehow...which I could probably actually do, ahhaha. And then Lacy, Brandi M, Heather, and uhh Tawny are hovering around because Lacey gets this strange phone call. And you see the little subtitles and it says I got a weird request. Bret always gets them but he always denies them. Well, I'm not Bret, let's go. Then there's like weird ass fucking clown people in transparent ponchos. And they tell Brandi M to jump through this hole and she does. Then all the rest do. Out of nowhere a million more come and their all laying on the ground asking them to join them and they all ran off screaming.

Okay, so that part's done and I'm on a boat, AGAIN. Don't ask! And there's a really hot guy I meet. I thought he was 18 and he's like no I'm 12. But it really mad no sense because he was fucking tall and had a six pack...but uhh he was twelve. And uhh I didn't give a fuck cause he was that hot. And he's like Yeah I have girlfriend a lot younger, but I don't care. So I was like Oh, sweet deal. lol. Then he took me to some machine, slammed my head on the ground underneath where the light was shining. And as I closed my eyes it was like some lines moving around telling me about my retinas. Then he gave me an orgasm.....? Yeah... Anyways. The machine thing was done with whatever it was with my face and now I had a tan on my face? Then he was like Yes, now you my beautiful superstar! And we were walking back up another boat and there was a bunch of people and it was over.

And ummm that was really it, I'm missing one part, but that was just.....I don't fucking know so I'm not bothering. Peace.

I've got nobody else to talk to. I miss being a romantic. My heart of gold was shattered by the boy who was already broken.

NO MORE FOR THIS!

BAD LUCK!

NO MORE FOR THIS!

Gotta do better.
Gotta make this work.
All for you.
All for you.

Whew!

Everything about you is good.

School starts Thursday and I'm so excited because I've got the best lunch ever. It's 3 in the fucking morning and I've got a sophmore orientation to go to, but I'll just get about four hours and I'll be alright, get a little caffiene in me and things will be okay. My dad will be driving me since I don't think anyone is going to be on that bus to the orientation. I'm pretty alright with my schedule, I just must know where my locker is, or else I'll be angry. I've got two gyms, but to be honest I'm quite alright. One is first and and one is third. It's early in the morning, it'll wake me up. I've got a ton of people I enjoy the company of in my third period.

I can't wait for the next time I'll be seeing Paul(well, out of school). He just makes me go crazy, a good crazy. He's got pale skin and pretty blue eyes that shimmer in sunlight. Mmm. Anyways, I've really warmed him up and I cannot wait for the happiness I will gain from being his girl.

Last thing, I've changed my myspace around and it looks amazing. It's definitley my personality on a site, I love it.

Sorry one more thing. For some reason, I really miss being in the front row at a STRIKE or theOddessy show. I certainly can't step into that town again though, it's a shame.

I see this as a bad luck charm.

I am now about to have the best thing ever happen to me.

And I do not want any bad luck around me.

Goodbye.

haa

I didn't mean it in the way that I want to die. Just like, couldn't think of anything positive at the moment. <3

It feels as if my tonsil is dried out.

I don't know why.

But I gotta give a nice thanks to all my friends that are killing me everyday from second hand smoke.

You guys are the bomb!!

I want to spend just one full summer day with you.
Wanna be as crazy as ever the whole day.
And you can sneak me inside and we can wake up to each other's heart beats.

Why do people even say I love you
when eventually it will just mean goodbye?

Is there a time in your life when you say I love you
and nothing more?

Honestly, I think love is just a fake emotion made to make us think their is actually hope for us to be happy.

Everybody wants love, so they grab the nearest person they think is cute. They might be what you don't want at all, but thats okay because you both just want to be loved.
Is that what is going on today?
Is it stupid to find someone with everything you want?

I've been talking to new people lately.
Are they even worth it?
It just sucks to build up these great friendships with people that aren't even what your looking for.

I'm completely lost right now, I convinced myself I was lesbian in December. Haha. Then I convinced myself I was really bi.

Am I the only one who has this much thought about love right now?

I thought this would fucking rock, but I have my mom looking down at me twice as much as she already does. I just want to make my music myspace already, but of course I get a soar throat. It'd be nice to see someone in Old Bridge try to make good music. And hey, maybe people will like it and I won't even need to wear tight jeans and flip my hair for you to like me.
I've been listening to a ton of Eminem, he motivates me like crazy, he is fucking amazing, no joke.
Last night, I went to East Brunswick mall which I haven't done in FOREVER. It was a ton of fun. My mom kept yelling at me the whole time and took away my cellphone, but who gives a crap.
I was supposed to be at Veronica's party, but she never gave me directions and I couldn't call because her number is on my cellphone. And I wasn't in the mood to do some James Bond shit. lol.
I hope my throat gets better quicker.
I've been having these weird ass dreams and Paul comes in ALL of them. Its so weird. Maybe I miss him so much and thats why he keeps coming in them? I haven't seen him since like December? Not even. :/